I look at the faith of others sometimes - the stories of struggle and trust in the Bible - and I desperately desire to be that type of woman. The one who believes that the slightest brush of her savior's cloak will heal her.
Sometimes I wonder if that faith will ever happen to me. And then other times I realize that it can, but I have to choose it.
Last fall I was working at a weekend-long women's retreat. Sunday morning, I was at the end of the breakfast buffet with my plate, reaching for a fork, when a woman came up to me and we exchanged a few pleasant words about the weekend. After a few moments, she started to walk to her table, but then paused.
Turning back, she asked me a question. When my answer was "no," she nodded and again went to walk away but almost immediately turned back again. "This may not make sense based on your answer," she said almost in a befuddled manner, "But I feel like I just need to tell you..." and proceeded to tell me about something very specific that was going to happen in my life.
As she left me standing there, she looked confused that she even felt a need to say it, like it made no sense to her. She couldn't have known that what she said just directly contradicted a fear that I'd been struggling with for several years. She couldn't have known - but God did. And nudged by him, she delivered the message of a promise.
Amazingly, driving home later that day, I began to talk myself out of it. Before long, I had a list of reasons why I'd imaged it all. Then I realized this was it, I was facing my decision: I could return to my familiar, boxed-in faith, or I could choose to believe that God had spoken to me, and claim the promise he had given. Both options were there, I simply had to reach out and take one. Desperate for the hope and freedom that a kind of faith would bring, I made my choice and leapt for God.
Even typing it now, reasons not to believe it still try to wedge their way into my head. But that's just Satan's lie that God is not as big as he is, is not as capable as he is, is not as loving.
A few months later, I heard this song for the first time, and that sealed it. Trust without borders; and God's grace is amazing enough that it is ours for the choosing. My God spoke to me, and I will not let that go.